I want to make a zoo with you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
