He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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