Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why do cheetos always look like penises
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
