I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
