I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize