"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
