I CAN MOONWALK!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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