just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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