I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
