the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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