So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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