if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to sanitize my soul.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
