I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
