You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
