Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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