I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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