I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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