Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize