Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have aggressive nipples.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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