every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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