So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
