I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
