he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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