Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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