just tell him i said nine months
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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