Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
