Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
