His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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