remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize