Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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