"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
