we're blogging at a bar
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
