I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
