just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
