remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
