Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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