explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize