1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
