He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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