I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
