Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
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i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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