if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Randomize
