i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
