First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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