I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
