Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
