We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
