i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
