I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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