I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
