I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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