I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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