You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
