Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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