My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
