Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
be right there i have to get my cape
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
