Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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